Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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