He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
