saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
