she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
