Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
And then my night got REAL pukey
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
