shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
