just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
