you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
