I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize