I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
