Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
