If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
