I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
