So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I wish you could order shots online.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
You peed on a flamingo?!?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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