I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
