I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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