I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
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