So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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