Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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