I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
