Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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