Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
