I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
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