She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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