He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
