So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
