I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
