Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
