Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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