There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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