Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
