I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
