Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
