he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
