loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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