he wants to bone in the snuggie
My Higher Power is John Stamos
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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