Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
