are you still at the devil's house?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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