My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize