Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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