Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just google imaged poop.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
