Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
