Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
