You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
