lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
