Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
