But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize