i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
