i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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