; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize