I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
