i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize