Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
