I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
