I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
