Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
