I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
