theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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