i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
