I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
