he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize