Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
