why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
