I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
