i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
