dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I got inside last night via doggy door
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
