Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
