shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
