Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
