Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
