Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
