My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
