I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
