were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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