He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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