and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
