i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
