Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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