Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
