Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
