Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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