Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
