I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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