dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
