what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize