I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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