Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
