paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
