Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize