I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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