she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
