Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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