The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize