if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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