if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
