I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
