may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
